Nice image of Mini-Derv

Deal or No Deal...

“Deal or no Deal”, it is more then a TV show it is my son’s favorite pastime. When my son wants to do something, or get some toy he can’t live without or have a whole cake for desert and my wife and I become the “Evil Parent” and say “NO” we become the next lucky contestant on “Let’s make a deal”….

So when my son gets an incorrect answer to his request to go to bed he becomes the host of this great show of skill and negotiation. We start off with offering us two or three “choices”, which amazingly are all choices that he benefits from such as he can watch 5 more TV shows, or we can read 4 more chapters to him or worse case he can watch 5 more shows and be read 4 more chapters to him, deal?

If the answer from the unwilling parent is “No” then the real negotiation begins, now he doubles his initial request and again goes for the sale with a firm “deal”? If Dad doesn’t give in and says no then he takes his case to Mom, which is considered “Arbitration” in most courts….

All I want to know is where do toddlers learn the art of negotiation, is there pre-school curriculum on the art of litigation and how to make persuasive arguments that your parents can not counter that we as parents are not aware of? Why is it I can’t my son to understand that he needs to cover his mouth when he sneezes but somehow he is capable of negotiating union contracts at age 5?

mrsderv, miniderv, derv

The boys showing their muscles....

When is my little boy going to talk

When my son started to make sounds that my wife and I were positive were words we were so excited, we long to hear our child speak. Heck let’s be honest maybe his first words would be…..

“Hello, Dear parents, thank you for doing such a great job to date on raising me and I am forever appreciative of all of your hard work. I would also like to apologize for the late nights, the puking, those early morning wake-up calls, I owe you…”

But nope, no such luck, so I guess we have to wait for that thank you.

So we waited, and then the magical words began to come out. In the case of our son the speaking started out a little slow since why would someone need to speak when they have two perfectly good servants (a.k.a Parents) to wait on him and these servants don’t need to understand English to perform their work.

But, once our son started talking something strange happened, he never STOPPED….

So one must ask why again did we want him to talk? If you don’t know the answer to that then maybe you can help me with my next question. I have been reviewing the anatomy books, searching online and I can’t seem to find the Mute button, hell I can’t even find the volume?

Please help me, where is this button located?

Thanks
Tim

Yes, I am still a parent and I have a lot of catching up to do...

Ok, I am still a parent and Alex is now 5 (or almost 5 and a half if you asked him). I have neglected these updates so I will make it a point bring everyone up to date on how things are going and the joys of raising your twin as a toddler.....

Tim

I like AJ because Alex is not that manly, from a man named Algier. A farewell

A tribute to Milt:

It was a sad day on Sunday the 14th of August with the passing of my wife’s father, Algier Milton. Nobody is ever prepared to lose a parent but you have to be thankful for the good times you shared and cherish the memories going forward. This is always easier said by someone who didn't lose there biological parent but knows that it is tough to lose someone you love.

As with everything I deal with in my life, I feel the need to add a little humor and sarcasm since that is how I get through things. I have known Milt since December of 1989 when I made the drive to Bridgeton, Maine to meet my wife’s parents in an attempt to impress them with a flower bouquet that was frozen because I left it in the car overnight through a Maine winter (P.S. I don’t suggest you try that, I don't think he was impressed). If you didn’t know him, he was an unpretentious man with a big heart and a strong love of his family.

Milt, was a “Mainah” through and through. He was happiest spending time with his family, hunting or fishing, trekking through the woods (with our dog Guinness).

Though he denied doing it my dog would return from a week stay with them weighing 10 lbs more then when he left and would get all excited when you opened the fridge because this was his opportunity to help take care of the leftovers. I wonder were he learned that habbit?

Milt was also well known for his career change later in life to that of official “bellhop”. Though he never complained, and I don’t think he ever got tipped, he was very quick at bringing in the bags from your cars and loading it when he was given the 2 minute warning of “Come-on Milton were going home” by his boss. I am not sure if any of us can fill those shoes, the best we can do is to bring the bags in on the same day they arrive.

I am concerned though that now that Milt is no longer with us, how will the dishes get done at any of the Woodbury family gatherings? I don’t think any of us have washed a set of dishes in the last 10 years without his assistance. God forbid you wash them and not ask for assistance; boy will you face the wrath. Well, I hope that when you get settled in your new home, they let you do the dishes.

For all of you that had the pleasure of knowing Milt let me help you finally understand some of his favorite sayings:

“I see what you mean”

This was his way of trying to say, I have no clue what you are saying but I will pretend to be interested.

“What do you mean I can’t wear these ripped jeans and dirty t-shirt out to dinner?”

This was his way of getting his wife close to the boiling point just as he was close to going out of the house. It wasn’t really a trip out to eat unless Big Deb swore at Milt to change his clothes.

“That sounds good, I will have the same”

I am convinced that Milt has never read a restaurant menu in the 16 years I have known him, if I order Cow’s brain on a multigrain bun, Milt wood get the same.

“Want to go smelting”

Milt was happiest out in the woods and though I heard him ask Big Deb a hundred times to go out fishing I don’t think she was ever interested in going. At least he was nice enough to ask.

“Thank you for the gift”

If you ever bought Milt a present for his Birthday or Christmas, don’t expect to see him use it. He cherished all of the gifts and thus put them away in the gun case for safe keeping. I think when you open that case you are sure to find a few hats, shirts, hunting gear etc that have never seen the light of day.

Altogether, a good man has left us in body but not in spirit. We will always save you a dish towel to help out with the dishes and thanks a lot for leaving us with the chore of loading the car.

You will be missed, and in your honor this year I will get up at 4:00 AM, dress in Camo, trek into the woods wearing an orange vest and go searching for Bambi and or a nice ribeye steak in your honor. I will also go "smelting" this year and I will make sure I invite your wife as you always did, wouldn't he be dammed if she actually agreed to go this time.

Your family misses you and your memory will always be cherished and passed on to Alex (a.k.a. "AJ").

Cheers...

Back from vacation and what did I learn and do....

Family vacations, staying at Parents house and trying to get your parents to recall what is needed to child proof a house is one of the joys of being a parent. Okay, it is our child and we aren’t asking people/family to remodel their houses in order to accommodate us staying with them we just expect that they at least hide the knives and removes those tempting priceless figurines out of the reach of a 3 foot destruction machine. Well, that is a lot to ask because it appears that once our parents have kids and survive the toddler stage they have their memory wiped and fail to understand that saying “No” a 1000 times an hour is not as much fun as they think it would be. What is fun is trying to keep a straight face as they try to reason with your child by saying such cute things as “no, no be a big boy and put that priceless antique down and play with your toys”, as if they expect that your child will understand and hang on every word they say.

Well on our recent trip the parents did seem to do better at preparing for us, that or they were robbed and then attacked by a rogue cleaning crew.

Also, over the holiday we took the little guy to see the fireworks and he liked them this year and it didn’t faze him a bit. This time next year I will be writing about how we need to get our child a therapist because the same fireworks display scared the %#$@ out of him and we are mean parents for putting him through it. We also took him on his first set of amusement rides and surprisingly my child who can Ralph on command wasn’t fazed a bit by any rides. All together it was a good time and we lived to tell about our adventure. On a positive note I got to sleep in one morning to 7:45 AM, I called the local paper and they didn’t think it was news worthy (must not be a parent)…

Things to do for fun:

If you want to have a good time, try explaining to your father-in-law who is in his 70’s, what a “time out” is on the “naughty rug” (watch Nanny 911 for clarification) for your son and why he shouldn’t talk to him while he is being punished. Something says that he was never raised with this form of punishment because when we tried to explain the concept to him he looked at us like we were speaking Yiddish.


Good luck, and remember they are only young once and what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.